'A time for letting go...'
Sep. 9th, 2002 07:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alixandreaThis weekend has been wonderfully strange. Took my Mum to see my new home on Saturday. She was a little freaked out, seeing as the rooms are in the same house as a massage parlour (I'm upstairs with a couple living in another room, the 'business' is downstairs.) But she seemed happy, the rooms (2!) are a good size, and the house has everything I need to live in comfortably for some time, at least as long as it will take me to get credit for a boat...
That night I went to a party at the housing Co-Op, in the back gardens with 2 full live sound systems, coloured lights, UV, fire, the works! It was lovely, but a little melancholy watching someone doing fire (badly I might add...) The smell of paraffin filled my nostrils and I was taken back to so many times and places. But then I had a conversation with a very drunk/drugged goth about the nature of relationships, exes, and the subject of letting go, and suddenly I saw the dam again, and decided that this time I really was going to jump.
So I did.
Sunday saw me realising once again that water is really not so scary, and I only panicked once, briefly, as I backstroked to the deep end.
The diving pool is on hydraulics, and can be raised to a play pool for the youngsters (or Communards playing 'Goth-In-The-Middle' ;-) ) They had it up when we went in, but later dropped it so we could dive. Jo and I sat on the edge of the pool watching the floor slowly descend, marvelling at the way it appeared to bend, like something out of Alice In Wonderland. I'm told its to do with refraction - either way it proved a great tool in helping me get over the fear, as I knew I could handle the 'drain strips' in the floor at waist level depth, so therefore should be able (and was able) to handle them at diving depth.
So I dived (well, jumped or somersaulted) from the first two boards, but havn't had the courage to go from the top (5m) one yet. Next time, promise! Finally we had to get out, nice long hair-wash shower, and then off to the Boat Race via home and food. Got a message from Stef to say he was back in the country. Still fairly offish, why do I always feel like I've done something wrong...? Met my drummer at the pub, so we couldn't have made rehearsal anyway, watched the musicians until the battle of the egos got too much and we retired to the KSR.
Monday I had a day off, Erik took one too, we were planning to go to the Bodyworlds exhibition as we hadn't been able to go that Saturday with RockSoc. The rain, however, proved too much, as I (stupidly) insisted on walking my bike back to mine, rather than getting a taxi and leaving said machine at Erik's. By the time we got here we were both soaked and pissed off at the weather, so instead decided on a meal and a movie. Got Green Thai curry at the Hop Bine, simply couldn't eat it all for the hotness and sheer amount, but did manage to drink several glasses of water! ;-)
Men In Black II, film of choice - mainly because it looked fun (it was) and easy on the brain (it was...!) We'll go see, 'The Importance of Being Ernest' another time then...
It would seem I'm happy where I am. I have someone I love, who loves me regardless of my faults; someone I am not jealous of, or afraid to be myself around. I have a place to move to, a job I enjoy (despite the manageress, but she'll hopefully be better after her holiday...!) I have a cheque from Inland Revenue for £650, so I'm going to Whitby for definite now. My band will be starting again as of next weekend, and hopefully we'll be able to work on a professional level without anything else getting in the way. I know I'm certainly not willing to let it. I have a lot of very lovely friends with similar interests to me, and am no longer wet from this morning...! ;-)
Life is good :-)
That night I went to a party at the housing Co-Op, in the back gardens with 2 full live sound systems, coloured lights, UV, fire, the works! It was lovely, but a little melancholy watching someone doing fire (badly I might add...) The smell of paraffin filled my nostrils and I was taken back to so many times and places. But then I had a conversation with a very drunk/drugged goth about the nature of relationships, exes, and the subject of letting go, and suddenly I saw the dam again, and decided that this time I really was going to jump.
So I did.
Sunday saw me realising once again that water is really not so scary, and I only panicked once, briefly, as I backstroked to the deep end.
The diving pool is on hydraulics, and can be raised to a play pool for the youngsters (or Communards playing 'Goth-In-The-Middle' ;-) ) They had it up when we went in, but later dropped it so we could dive. Jo and I sat on the edge of the pool watching the floor slowly descend, marvelling at the way it appeared to bend, like something out of Alice In Wonderland. I'm told its to do with refraction - either way it proved a great tool in helping me get over the fear, as I knew I could handle the 'drain strips' in the floor at waist level depth, so therefore should be able (and was able) to handle them at diving depth.
So I dived (well, jumped or somersaulted) from the first two boards, but havn't had the courage to go from the top (5m) one yet. Next time, promise! Finally we had to get out, nice long hair-wash shower, and then off to the Boat Race via home and food. Got a message from Stef to say he was back in the country. Still fairly offish, why do I always feel like I've done something wrong...? Met my drummer at the pub, so we couldn't have made rehearsal anyway, watched the musicians until the battle of the egos got too much and we retired to the KSR.
Monday I had a day off, Erik took one too, we were planning to go to the Bodyworlds exhibition as we hadn't been able to go that Saturday with RockSoc. The rain, however, proved too much, as I (stupidly) insisted on walking my bike back to mine, rather than getting a taxi and leaving said machine at Erik's. By the time we got here we were both soaked and pissed off at the weather, so instead decided on a meal and a movie. Got Green Thai curry at the Hop Bine, simply couldn't eat it all for the hotness and sheer amount, but did manage to drink several glasses of water! ;-)
Men In Black II, film of choice - mainly because it looked fun (it was) and easy on the brain (it was...!) We'll go see, 'The Importance of Being Ernest' another time then...
It would seem I'm happy where I am. I have someone I love, who loves me regardless of my faults; someone I am not jealous of, or afraid to be myself around. I have a place to move to, a job I enjoy (despite the manageress, but she'll hopefully be better after her holiday...!) I have a cheque from Inland Revenue for £650, so I'm going to Whitby for definite now. My band will be starting again as of next weekend, and hopefully we'll be able to work on a professional level without anything else getting in the way. I know I'm certainly not willing to let it. I have a lot of very lovely friends with similar interests to me, and am no longer wet from this morning...! ;-)
Life is good :-)
