Meditations...

[alixandrea]

My Mum runs slimming clubs and has done for pretty much as long as I can remember. Delicious irony is that she used to run a catering business, and put on loads of weight because of this, so joined Slimming World to lose it all. She did just literally that in the end, by becoming a group leader then starting her own company, New Dimensions.

So I grew up with a dieter. One who has been on a diet in fact for the past 15+ years. This was interesting to say the least! I didn't have much trouble with my weight, except for the short period of time I spent hardly moving from my seat at school, and sending someone down the tuck shop for a daily Mars Bar (plus breakfast, a full lunch at school, then dinner in the evening...) I was encouraged to give up all sweet things and quickly lost the weight again. (And can't look a Mars Bar in the face anymore either...!)

Despite this, I have never really been happy with my body shape. The females in my family have weak abdominal muscles, causing us to look pregnant permanently (you can imagine my irritation at being asked, from about the age of 13, if I was about to have a sprog... :-\) However, all the other females in my family (both sides) have large breasts, which kinda balances things a bit...! I don't, despite having been an early developer.
The last straw probably came when I realised my ex's attraction to larger ladies, ones with curvaceous, full figures, pendulous breasts... Oh to have been Queen Victoria!!
I lost a lot of confidence for many various reasons during that relationship, one of them being Rs obsession with 'The Perfect Body' (tm) he was never happy with his body and passed his paranoia onto me, even suggesting we should both go in for plastic surgery to 'improve' ourselves.
I looked into various non invasive treatments for my 'condition' (and I am ashamed to say I even tried a few of them, spending not a little money in the process.)

Anyway, the course ended and nothing had changed and I couldn't afford to keep it up, so I started working on my self esteem instead... I could have saved myself a _lot_ of effort by going this route first of all!! ;-)

Sooo, get to the point Alix...

My point is that this whole body fascism thing is ridiculous. We are bombarded from all sides by people's 'ideals' and its crap. They say that to be thin is to be beautiful and desirable and happy; that's just sooo much bunkum. Men like women of all shapes and sizes, and that's in fact what they get. The average UK size is a 14. Marilyn Monroe was a 14. Kate Winslet was far more gorgeous in Titanic that she is now...

"Its OK for you to say these things" you scream in contempt at me. Well, actually I may be a size 10, but I have been to the point of neurotic about the size of my breasts. My best friend has what would be considered a 'model' figure but hates wearing things too tight around her hips, as she believes she has none. I personally would love to have hips as slim as hers, then maybe I'd be more balanced. She and I should swap actually, she has far too much breast!! ;-)

I know people who can go around looking fantastic without a bra, yet you will never see me out _anywhere_ without a padded, push-up La Senza or similar. I know people who say they would love to have my figure, and I look at them and I want to swap!! All these beautiful, _balanced_ women, it doesn't matter what size the overall body shape is, I would just like to be _balanced_!

Why can't we be happy? Well, mainly because the 5% 'perfects' are used as sex objects to sell consumer goods, clothes, makeup, things we want. But they are sold to us under the lie that 'you can have this lifestyle, this figure if you buy this product'. Its crap. Why should we _want_ to be like that? Its not actually a healthy way to be...

That's the important thing then.
To be _healthy_
To be _happy_

I'm getting over my neuroses by trying to be happy and healthy, by trying to be more who I want to be _inside_. Outside will just naturally come along with inside, because the most attractive, sexy person is the one who is confident and happy with who they are. I want to be more healthy too, so I'm cycling and hoping to get my skates back in order, maybe even getting back in the water.

Feeling unattractive will make you that way. If there's something you really don't like about yourself then find out why you're projecting your unhappiness onto it, find out the _inner_ reasons first. By all means eat healthily and exercise (_fact_ more muscle burns up more energy) but don't starve yourself (_fact_ the human body actually puts on fat when you starve it, it stops using your fat reserves, sends the things you do eat to the fat reserves and uses up your muscles first!!) Try not to focus too much on the things that you really _can't_ change without invasive or expensive methods. Focus instead on the good stuff, and work on your self esteem

Have fun, enjoy yourself, stop putting your insecurities on your body. Try to find out the root causes of those insecurities and fix them, the rest follows. Whe you feel especially down, remember that even supposed 'perfect beauties' like Pamela Anderson and Jordan have had surgery and dye their hair. What does that tell you about their self esteem...?
And stop listening to the bastard advertising people...
;-)

*Hugs* You are all very beautiful people, all in your own special ways, and that is what is _most_ important after all...

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